"Don't ever
claim again!" Joe shouted at his partner.
"You already claimed wrong twice, and in both cases the TD ruled
against us. Leave claims
to me! When you claim, you need to specifically tell how you play, for
example:
I pull trumps, on the ♦A
I throw my club loser, and the rest are mine.
OR: I play a diamond, you win your ♦A and I take the rest of
the tricks, etc.
And you – I expect you to play the hand till the end until you learn
how to claim properly. AGREED?!"
This was a very clear claim, rather than a question waiting for an
answer. His partner was offended, but she didn't argue. After all, she
did claim wrongly.
"Got it, Mr. Know-It-All," she sighed.
As they moved to the next table, on the first deal Joe claimed at trick
three. His LHO, an older woman, said:
"Your claim is probably OK, but I don't see it. Please play out the
hand."
"After a claim has been made, the hand is over, and you can't continue
playing it. If you don't agree to the claim - call the director!" Joe
said in a vulgar tone.
"No need to call the director, mom, the claim is good," said the
younger man on his right. He gave Joe a harsh look but said nothing.
Joe ignored him and pulled out the cards for the 2nd deal:
Dealer North, East - West vulnerable
West lead the ♥10.
Joe wanted to claim at trick one, but after the incident with the
previous hand he just play it slowly, trick after trick, like an old
beginner.
He slowly cashed his winners one by one: ♥KQ,
♦KQJ and ♣KQJ.
After 8 tricks, with the ♠32 and 3 aces in hand, and ♠KQJ109 in dummy,
he got fed up with his own foolish act - and claimed:
"I'll play spades, giving you the ♠A, and the rest is mine. 6NT made".
"OK with me," said the old lady.
"Not OK with me," said his RHO, and called the director.
Joe explained the situation to the TD and added:
"It is a very obvious claim. Any beginner can see that if I play spades
next I lose only 1 trick. What sort of clueless novice players do you
allow in your tourneys here? They should really go to classes, not to
tournaments".
This was the situation:
Dear readers, do you agree with the claim?
"Joe, your opponent is not a beginner! He is a known player in the
major league, winner of many important tourneys. He must have a reason
for not accepting," said the director.
"Why don't you accept the claim?" he asked the opponent.
"I hold up twice the ♠A, winning it on the 3rd round. On the 3rd round,
declarer needs to discard. Since he didn't explain what he is going to
do, I force him to throw the ♦A.
Now I play my high ♦2
which wins the trick. And this is not the end! Declarer has to discard
again, on my ♦2,
and I force him to throw the ♣A. Now my ♣2 is high. 2 down."
The TD accepted the defender's explanation and adjusted the score to
down 2.
"You are a snotty, self-absorbed, dramatic braggart! How could you lose
3 tricks with 36 points high, missing only one ace? I don't think that
any beginner would manage to go 2 down here. This is the end of our
partnership"! said his (ex) partner at the end of the evening.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Thursday, January 14, 2016
The Misogynist and the Feminist
Amos is a well known successful author, who writes mainly novels and
love stories, full of romance. However, in real life he is a worlds
class misogynist.
Joan is an executive manager in a big company, controlling many employees. In real life she is feminist to the extreme.
Both of them are good bridge players, playing at the same local club. Since they often collide, they both got warned, twice, by the TD. Last warning was very clear! If they ever fight again about men – women issues, they are going to be kicked out of the club!
So... They are careful now. But they don't miss opportunities, when they arise, to punch each other below the belt.
Today, Amos was playing with one of his fans. She was gazing at him full of admiration, no matter what he did. Finally, she asked him a question. He thought for a moment, and then told her to wait with that question, and ask it again when they reach table 8.
Finally... at table 8, sitting opposite Joan and her partner, the question was asked again:
"Amos, how come you understand women so well?"
His answer was immediate (... after all, he had plenty time to plan it):
"I think of a man. Then I remove reason, comprehension, technical sense and add recklessness, irresponsibility, squandering and uncontrollable jealousy."
The TD, who was on alert mode every time these two met, was standing right besides their table and said: "AMOS!".
Amos swallowed a huge smile and said humbly: "I simply answered my partner's question!"
Joan, who was suspiciously silent, waited patiently for her chance. She became declarer on the next deal:
Dealer East, none vulnerable
West lead the ♦Q. Amos in East won the ♦A and returned another diamond.
Joan won the ♦K, pulled trumps, and ran the ♥Q when East played low.
The ♥Q won, and she played another heart to the ♥A. Then she ruffed a diamond and played the ♥J. When Amos covered with the ♥K, she allowed him to win, discarding a club from hand.
Amos was endplayed, forced to play either a club to dummy's ♣K, or a diamond and grant declarer a ruff/sluff. Either way, declarer would lose only 1 club, 1 diamond and 1 heart.
"Only men can be so crystal clear, sticking to dry rules (3rd hand plays high) and completely lacking creativity. If he (= Amos) played low at trick 1, I would win the ♦K, but later, when he gets the hand, he can return a low diamond to West's hand, and get a club return to set the contract," said Joan in glory.
"How come you know men so well?" asked her partner.
"I think of a woman. Then I remove love, sensitivity, efficiency, ability to see things from different angles, and add stinginess, disrespect, predictability, stubbornness and laziness..."
The TD was fed up. Both got expelled for 7 days to cool off.
Joan is an executive manager in a big company, controlling many employees. In real life she is feminist to the extreme.
Both of them are good bridge players, playing at the same local club. Since they often collide, they both got warned, twice, by the TD. Last warning was very clear! If they ever fight again about men – women issues, they are going to be kicked out of the club!
So... They are careful now. But they don't miss opportunities, when they arise, to punch each other below the belt.
Today, Amos was playing with one of his fans. She was gazing at him full of admiration, no matter what he did. Finally, she asked him a question. He thought for a moment, and then told her to wait with that question, and ask it again when they reach table 8.
Finally... at table 8, sitting opposite Joan and her partner, the question was asked again:
"Amos, how come you understand women so well?"
His answer was immediate (... after all, he had plenty time to plan it):
"I think of a man. Then I remove reason, comprehension, technical sense and add recklessness, irresponsibility, squandering and uncontrollable jealousy."
The TD, who was on alert mode every time these two met, was standing right besides their table and said: "AMOS!".
Amos swallowed a huge smile and said humbly: "I simply answered my partner's question!"
Joan, who was suspiciously silent, waited patiently for her chance. She became declarer on the next deal:
Dealer East, none vulnerable
West lead the ♦Q. Amos in East won the ♦A and returned another diamond.
Joan won the ♦K, pulled trumps, and ran the ♥Q when East played low.
The ♥Q won, and she played another heart to the ♥A. Then she ruffed a diamond and played the ♥J. When Amos covered with the ♥K, she allowed him to win, discarding a club from hand.
Amos was endplayed, forced to play either a club to dummy's ♣K, or a diamond and grant declarer a ruff/sluff. Either way, declarer would lose only 1 club, 1 diamond and 1 heart.
"Only men can be so crystal clear, sticking to dry rules (3rd hand plays high) and completely lacking creativity. If he (= Amos) played low at trick 1, I would win the ♦K, but later, when he gets the hand, he can return a low diamond to West's hand, and get a club return to set the contract," said Joan in glory.
"How come you know men so well?" asked her partner.
"I think of a woman. Then I remove love, sensitivity, efficiency, ability to see things from different angles, and add stinginess, disrespect, predictability, stubbornness and laziness..."
The TD was fed up. Both got expelled for 7 days to cool off.
Monday, January 11, 2016
Good neighborhood
Since the new neighbors moved in, the bridge life of Mira and her
husband has changed. They stopped playing at the local bridge club,
since afternoons were not too convenient, and started playing at home,
in the evenings, with their new neighbors.
They liked the new neighbors a lot. They liked to play bridge with them. They liked the wine and the refreshments. And the evening hours were suitable.
Perfect? Yes! for almost a year. But then intruders ruined their fun. A new young (so they assumed as they never saw her) woman moved to the building across and destroyed their bridge evenings, making them intolerable.
So, at first, Mira and her neighbor friend wrote a letter to this annoying newcomer, in these exact words:
"Dear moaner!
With all due respect to your wonderful sex life, and its frequency – AND RESPECT WE HAVE!
We kindly request you to lower the noise.
Your shouts disturb our bridge evenings and also raise the height of expectations of our husbands for after the game... if you know what we mean.
With great appreciation,
The neighbors from the building across (who share your enjoyable moments at night)."
But, the letter didn't help. It did not reduce the moaning, nor its frequency.
In the end, Mira and her husband gave up, they quit playing with their neighbors at night and returned to the afternoon sessions in the club.
At the club, Mira became declarer against a new couple, about their age:
Dealer North, none vulnerable
West lead the ♠K and continued with a 2nd spade, after his partner encouraged. East won the ♠A and was stuck.
Finally she decided to play a 3rd spade to try to promote something with her partner. Mira almost made a mistake: If she discarded from hand and ruffed with dummy's ♥J, the ♥9 would indeed get promoted. But, at the last moment she saw it, and finally ruffed low in hand.
West discarded (no point in ruffing higher than declarer as she will overruff with the ♥J), and Mira played a heart to the ♥J, returned to hand with a diamond and continued with the ♥K, losing to West's ♥A.
Later on, her ♥Q10 pulled out West's ♥94, and the contract was made.
"Take the ♥A at trick 2 and then play your 2nd spade to East. Now a 3rd spade from her will promote your ♥9".
Her opponents didn't respond. They just smiled at each other.
Mira turned to the woman and asked: "Are you always so quiet?"
The woman remained silent and continued to smile, while looking at her partner.
Eventually her partner answered:
"Bridge is just a hobby, it's just an appetizer for us. The main course will come later in the evening. My partner here is not quiet at all. She just saves her voice for later. And we both smile because we think about that promotion... But not the one you mentioned... the one that will come in the evening. And let the neighbors from the building across die of jealousy!"
They liked the new neighbors a lot. They liked to play bridge with them. They liked the wine and the refreshments. And the evening hours were suitable.
Perfect? Yes! for almost a year. But then intruders ruined their fun. A new young (so they assumed as they never saw her) woman moved to the building across and destroyed their bridge evenings, making them intolerable.
So, at first, Mira and her neighbor friend wrote a letter to this annoying newcomer, in these exact words:
"Dear moaner!
With all due respect to your wonderful sex life, and its frequency – AND RESPECT WE HAVE!
We kindly request you to lower the noise.
Your shouts disturb our bridge evenings and also raise the height of expectations of our husbands for after the game... if you know what we mean.
With great appreciation,
The neighbors from the building across (who share your enjoyable moments at night)."
But, the letter didn't help. It did not reduce the moaning, nor its frequency.
In the end, Mira and her husband gave up, they quit playing with their neighbors at night and returned to the afternoon sessions in the club.
At the club, Mira became declarer against a new couple, about their age:
Dealer North, none vulnerable
West lead the ♠K and continued with a 2nd spade, after his partner encouraged. East won the ♠A and was stuck.
Finally she decided to play a 3rd spade to try to promote something with her partner. Mira almost made a mistake: If she discarded from hand and ruffed with dummy's ♥J, the ♥9 would indeed get promoted. But, at the last moment she saw it, and finally ruffed low in hand.
West discarded (no point in ruffing higher than declarer as she will overruff with the ♥J), and Mira played a heart to the ♥J, returned to hand with a diamond and continued with the ♥K, losing to West's ♥A.
Later on, her ♥Q10 pulled out West's ♥94, and the contract was made.
"Take the ♥A at trick 2 and then play your 2nd spade to East. Now a 3rd spade from her will promote your ♥9".
Her opponents didn't respond. They just smiled at each other.
Mira turned to the woman and asked: "Are you always so quiet?"
The woman remained silent and continued to smile, while looking at her partner.
Eventually her partner answered:
"Bridge is just a hobby, it's just an appetizer for us. The main course will come later in the evening. My partner here is not quiet at all. She just saves her voice for later. And we both smile because we think about that promotion... But not the one you mentioned... the one that will come in the evening. And let the neighbors from the building across die of jealousy!"
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