Disturbing elements

Moses is a real character. He hardly ever leaves home. He is working on his computer from home (he gets his salary via bank transfer), and he orders food to his home. He doesn't receive any guests (not that anyone would want to enter his pig sty, which he calls "home"), he never answers any calls and he doesn't changes his cloths very often (not to mention taking a shower). He just works and... plays bridge all day on BBO. His mother is very frustrated. All her friends are telling all the time about their children and grand children doing this and doing that and only she is mute during these chit-chats. What can she possibly say?

On his birthday she got him a really special present: A parrot who speaks 80 languages (so they said in the shop). She paid $8000 for it (a bargain!). She also bought him 2 new shirts. She asked someone at the shop if they would be willing to deliver the shirts for her son, as well as the parrot. "Sure thing, madam", they answered. "That will shake him," she thought, and ran home in order not to miss on his thank you call, yet to come soon (or so she thought).

Moses was in the middle of a grand slam when he heard a knock on his door.

Dealer South, all vulnerable


West lead the ♦K. Moses took the ace and saw immediately that only a bad trump break will break the contract. He started to plan what to do in case such thing will happen when he heard a knock on the door. When he tried to ignore it, there comes a louder knock.

BRB, he wrote and ran annoyed to the door. A wide white teeth smile, from a short skinny man from India welcomed him when he opened the door.

"Dear sir, I am here to hand you this valuable gift, given to you by your mother, bought in our humble pet shop," said the man with a bow, handing the gift most carefully and with much respect.

But Moses wasn't there. He had ran back to his chair thinking about nothing but his grand slam. The delivery guy, puzzled, didn't know what to do with the open door. "Sir?" he asked. "I'm in the middle of a grand slam now. Just put it on the kitchen table," said Moses impatiently. The man's grin got even wider: "Oh, you like car races. Me too. Every Sunday we..." "No, I don't like car races. What does a man need to do to get some privacy in his own home? Hang a 'Do not disturb' note on his door? Put it in the kitchen and get lost," Moses shouted without taking his eyes from the computer screen.

The man entered and carefully tried to avoid stepping on the mess on the floor. He tried to find the kitchen. After a few long seconds he concluded that the kitchen is where he saw most of the food leftovers, pizza boxes, unwashed plates and empty bear cans, which were all over the place. He cleared a place on the floor, and placed the stand for the parrot, then put the bird carefully on top. He then cleared some place on the "kitchen" table, folded the shirts, and placed them carefully on it. Though he realized that he will not get a tip from this guy, he didn't let his mood drop and said loudly: "Thank you very much sir, may the Karma be with you". "God knows you need it," he mumbled to himself while closing the door behind him.

Moses didn't pay attention to any this. Rushing not to waste more time, he played a spade to the ♠A and saw West showing out. He then played the clubs, trying to seduce East into ruffing, but when this didn't happen, he had to lose a spade trick to the ♠J. "Why don't you protect yourself against such a scenario?" shouted his partner in capital letters and added few question marks.

"Ruff a diamond at trick 2, and only then play the ♠A. When West discards, continue with a heart to the ♥Q, diamond ruff, club to the ♣A, Club ruff, heart to the ♥K , club ruff, and a heart to the ♥A. Your remaining cards now are ♠KQ10 while East's cards are ♠Jxx . You are in dummy and you are able to overruff no matter what card East plays."

Moses tried to protest: "I would find it myself if not for that disturbing man at the door."
"I thought we agreed not to mess around with other nonsense while we play," said his partner.
"Trump coup, I've done it many times, and you know it," said Moses, but his partner never read this line as he left the table angrily.

Moses was upset, and full of bad emotions when he heard: "Johnny wants food, Johnny wants food!" "I can't believe this guy is still here!" he said to himself and turned his head. But there was no one there. "I am hungry though..." he continued his thoughts.

His mother was sitting by the phone, expecting a call from him. After 2 days, when the call didn't come, she phoned him in the middle of the night (he would not pick up the phone if he was awake...)
"Who is dead," was his immediate reaction, when he picked up the phone, still asleep.
"You are, if you are not dead already," shouted his mother. "How could you not call me when you got my presents?"
"What presents? What time is it?" he asked.
"It's 3AM. You mean you didn't like my presents?" She was now more offended than angry.
"Ah, those presents... No, I didn't like the shirts much, but the chicken was tasty..."