Bridge and money

7:00AM
Bill Gates was asleep when the phone rang:
"Hi, this is Jessica from the lottery. I am happy to inform you that you just won 2 million dollars. Congratulations!"
"Million? I am not familiar with this number. I'm not familiar with numbers bellow one billion. Especially not at 7AM," and he hung up.
7:01AM
The phone rang again, and his secretary was on the line:
"Hi, I called to remind you of the half billion deal at 8AM in your office."
"I feel lazy today. I am not getting out of bed for any deal bellow one billion," he grumbled and hung up again.
7:02AM
His secretary again:
"They just called about that one billion donation. You promised them an answer today..."
"Give them two billions if they promise to never call again at this hour." He hung up for the third (and hopefully the last) time.
7:03AM
This time his bridge partner was on the phone:
"We're on for a money bridge table one hour from now. $5 a point. Are you in?"
"Oh! The first call today worthwhile to get out of my bed. I'll be there!"

But he was not in shape, and they lost LOTS of money. Like this hand, for instance, where Bill could have made a slam.

Dealer South, all vulnerable


West lead a diamond.

Bill thought for a while, then won in dummy and lead a low spade to his ♠J. His goal was to make 4 spade tricks: "I'll make 4 tricks in spades every time East has ♠Qxxx or if spades split 3-3," he thought. As cards were, Bill did make his 4 tricks in spades, but that was not enough.

With 4 spades, 2 hearts, 4 diamonds and 1 club, he was still one trick short. So... he tried the club finesse, and down he went. "How unlucky," he murmured.

His partner wasn't happy: "Unlucky?! They call to tell you that you won 2 millions and you get upset, and now you fail a cold slam when you are SO lucky to make 5 spade tricks – if you play it right! Try the club finesse first! If the finesse succeeds, play spades as you did to get 4 spade tricks. But if club finesse fails – You must play for 5 tricks in spade. Play the ♠J, and win West's ♠Q with your ♠K. Go back to hand and finesse again to the ♠9. As cards lay – You make 5 tricks".

Bill was upset. As always, when he was upset, he went for his other hobby: fishing. He turned off his cellphone to make sure no one will bother him and sailed to the open ocean on his fancy boat. He silenced the engine and sat fishing, enjoying the silence around him.

"Hello!" said a tiny voice.

Bill looked around but there was no one there.
"Down here!" said the little voice again.

He looked down and saw a little golden fish on the hook.
"Yes, it's me, and I am talking to you, Bill," said the fish.
"This is one of the worst days of my life... Nonsense calls before sunrise, lousy bridge, and now here I am talking to a fish when I desperately need a quiet moment," he thought.

The fish read his mind. "Don't be upset, Bill. Your luck is going to change. For I am the famous gold fish, surely you heard about me in stories when you were a kid. If you remember, when you catch the gold fish, it's time for a wish..."
"I don't see how this changes my luck, but OK. I'll grant your fish wish – Tell me how much do you want, and go away!"

Seeing through cards #16

Dealer West. None Vul.


You are playing 4♦. West lead the ♣AK. When all followed suit, he continued with a 3rd round of clubs which East ruffed with the ♦2. East returned a spade. You won the trick and tried the ♦Q on which West played the ♦3.

1. How are clubs divided?
2. How are hearts divided?
3. How are spades divided?
4. How are diamonds divided?
5. Where is the ♦K?

1. How are clubs divided?
   West has 4 and East has 2. East ruffed the 3rd club.


2. How are hearts divided?
   West has 4 and East has 5. West opened 1♣ and then supported 2♥, which means he has exactly 4 hearts, therefore East has 5.


3. How are spades divided?
   Spades must be 4-4! With 5 cards in spades West would open 1♠ or East would respond 1♠ (if he had 5-5 in the majors). Since none of them bid that suit, it breaks 4-4.


4. How are diamonds divided?
   One with West and two with East. You can deduce this by counting the other suits.


5. Where is the ♦K?
   With East. Therefore play the ♦A and watch the ♦K falling (East ruffed a club and by that he stiffed his ♦K).
   

Things to remember:

1. Count! Tricks, losers, points. But also the distribution of your opponents, taking into account information from the biding, their lead etc. You can often place the missing honors just by paying attention to the bidding and/or to the openning lead.
2. If you are missing 8 cards in a suit and both opponnents bid, but not this suit - you can deduce the suit breaks 4-4 (else one of them would have bid it).
   
3. If you are missing 9 cards in a suit and both opponnents bid, but not this suit - you can deduce the suit breaks 4-5 and responder has 5-5! 5 cards in the suit he has bid and 5 cards in that unbid suit.
   
4. If West had only 3 hearts he would have doubled 2♦ to show a Support Double. With less hearts and 12-14 points, he should Pass (Notice! 2NT here would show 18-19 points, as East changed suit on the 1st level)
   

A little prayer

"Dear God. It is my birthday today, and like every year, I am here, in the church, sending you my little prayer.

Please help me get a fat bank account and a slim figure. Thank you, Dora.
PS. Please try not to switch these two wishes, like you did last year. Thanks again, Dora.
PPS. And make all my finesses work in bridge. Re-thanks, Dora".

She told her partner about her birthday wish, and about what happened last year, and about her doubts that God will grant her wishes.

"How much weight did you plan to lose last year," asked her partner.
"About 15 kilos."
"And how much more you still have to lose now?"
"Now, about 25 more..." sighed Dora.
"Maybe God has another idea of what being slim means. Same for your bank account.
Tell you what: Let's ask God that our first board today will be your guidance - If He gives you a successful finesse - it means that He is listening to your prayers," suggested her partner.

This was the first hand of the day:

Dealer South, none vulnerable


West lead the ♥2.

"What are your leads?" asked Dora.
"Against NT, we lead 4th best of our longest suit," came the answer.
She counted 7 top tricks and soon enough she saw that the contract depends on the diamond finesse.

"Looks like God listened to my prayer, she thought to herself. For sure the diamond finesse will work... But which way? Or maybe diamonds are 2-2 and I shouldn't finesse at all?"

With opponents silent throughout, she had no hint to help her tackle diamonds.

She tested clubs first, playing four rounds and saw West discard a spade on the third club. But this didn't help her make up her mind.

"Surely, God expects me to play ♦AK, else he would be more clear," she thought. So, she played ♦AK and down she went when opponents took 3 hearts, 2 spades and the ♦Q.

Partner was not happy.

"You were told exactly what to do, but you didn't understand what you were told. The ♥2 lead tells you that West has exactly 4 hearts. They said they play 4th best. The ♥2 lead also tells you that West doesn't have 5 cards in any other suit, else he would lead that suit. Since West showed 4 hearts and 2 clubs, and you know he doesn't have any 5 carder, his remaining 7 cards are divided 4-3. That means he has either 3 or 4 cards in diamonds and therefore East has at most one diamond.

You have to play ♦K and finesse West's ♦Q next," her partner completed his analysis.

"I'm sorry, you are right. Maybe I misunderstood some other hints when He showed me I can eat sweets and shouldn't worry about exercising... I wonder if it was the other way around?"

Animals

"You skipped History class three times in a row, you put a frog in the Literature teacher's suitcase, you sent a false love letter to the Chemistry teacher, you called your Math teacher in the middle of the night and asked him to run quickly and see if he has water in the toilet - and when he came back and said: 'Yes I have' – you said: 'What did expect there, Coca Cola?', you threw paper airplanes in the class during Religion hours and you taught three first year students how to curse in Spanish. You are therefore suspended from school for 3 days. In addition, I expect to see at least one of your parents, to explain to me how come you behave like animals," the Principal closed his long lecture.

As they left the room, Joe said: "Finally. All four of us got kicked out. Now you can all come to my place and we play Marathon Bridge for 3 days."
Tanya didn't seem too happy: "My parents are going to kill me! I promised them to behave better."
"Don't worry too much, Tanya, said Danny. Let my dad handle this - He really understands these things. Your parents won't even find out about this."
"Just pity for the Bridge lessons we miss tomorrow - I don't care much about the rest," sighed Martha.

And off they went to Joe's house to play some cards. The bridge was great!

Here is one of the hands where Tanya put on a nice performance.

Dealer South, all vulnerable


West lead the ♥Q. Tanya won in hand with the ♥K and pulled two rounds of trump. Next she played ♥A, throwing a club from dummy and ruffed a heart.

Now she thought about playing clubs to endplay opponents. But then she paused, realizing it will not do any good, as even if one opponent has ♦QJx his partner could play another diamond and she still had a diamond loser. Therefore she first played ♦AK. When West showed out she continued with a club, endplaying West who only had hearts and clubs left. When he returned a club, Tanya was able to ruff in dummy and throw her diamond loser from hand.

"How do you explain that your son and his friends behave like animals?" had said the Principal to Danny's father. Back to school, 3 days later, the four kids gave the Principal a letter from Danny's dad.

His answer was:

"Sir,

You expect our children to:
Wake up every morning like roosters,
Carry their schoolbags like donkeys,
Run to school like deers,
Work hard like ants,
Copy from the blackboard like monkeys,
Be quiet as fish,
And after all this you are surprised they behave like animals?"...