200 km per hour

On Sunday morning Bill left home very early. Actually, it was 4AM, and it was still night outside. He was heading to a Bridge tourney in another village, about 160 kilometers from where he lived. The village was celebrating 100 years of existence with, among other festivities, a big Bridge tournament which was to begin at 9AM.

So... why did he leave so early, you may ask (his wife asked that too). Well, Bill owned a very old car (a 1959 model), and any speed over 60 km per hour was a real menace for the car's well being (it could go at most 70... downhill).

"That car is almost as old as you are! Time to replace it!", his wife said often.

"It is Not! We got it from my parents as a wedding gift. You are almost as old as I am. Maybe I should replace you!", he used to shout back.

And so today he was careful to take his time, planning to drive slowly, take a few breaks along the way, and still arrive to the event royally on time.

But even though he was driving so cautiously, the car stopped abruptly in the middle of nowhere, as if to say: "That's it, no more!".

Bill had no choice but to sit out there, watching the sun rise and waiting for a car to pass by. After almost 2 hours of waiting, a white beautiful new Mercedes showed up and stopped next to him.

"You need a ride, old man?", offered the Mercedes driver.

"Would it be ok if I tie my car to yours and you pull me? I'm very fond of my car and I don’t want to just leave it here. Here, I have a towing cable in my trunk. I knew this unfortunate day will come, but I wasn't expecting it to be today.... Will you please do me this favor?".

The driver felt sorry for Bill, and agreed to pull his car.

"One more thing: You can't go fast or it will break down. No more than 50 kilometers per hour, please", added Bill.

"You must be joking. This baby is faster than 50 even when it's parked!", he laughed loudly at his own joke and continued: "But you know what, if I drive too fast, just honk your horn, and I'll slow down, OK?".

"Agreed! Thanks so much!", Bill was pleased.

And so, they started to drive. Every now and then Bill honked, and the Mercedes driver slowed down.

All of a sudden a black BMW appeared out of nowhere and overtook them at lightning speed. The Mercedes driver managed to see the other driver, who was no other than his wife! Rather pissed at her nerve, he started racing after her. The BMW went faster and so did the Mercedes right behind it. A police patrol on the side of the road saw with amazement three cars racing one after another at no less than 200 kilometers per hour!

As the police car wasn't fast enough, the officer announced headquarters, and a police blockade was formed quickly just outside the village Bill was heading to. The drivers were stopped for investigation and when the police officer came to face pale Bill, he noticed Bill was in shock. Bill couldn't move nor talk. Looking at his ID, the police officer said:

"So, Bill. 200 kilometers per hour is not fast enough for you, is it? You had to honk your horn like mad too? May I ask what was so urgent to drive on a Sunday morning at this speed?".

Bill finally managed to open his mouth and all he could mutter was:
"Well, I was in a hurry for the Bridge tourney in the village".

The officer looked at his watch: "Oh my God! It starts in 5 minutes. I'd better drive you over there so that you are not late!".

Bill's partner was not at all happy to see him there at the very last minute. "I thought you said you'll leave home early to be on time. How slow did you go this time to arrive so late?", he asked bitterly.

"About as slow as 200 per hour", said Bill still shaking from the shock.

This hand, against the Village champion, reminded him of the mad race he had just been through:

Dealer East - North-South vulnerable:


Partner's jump to 6♦ seem like accelerating from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds to him. And so he honked his horn and bid 6♥ ("I must be losing my mind", he thought).

East led the ♠2. Declarer had 11 top tricks. Assuming West had the ♦A and no more spades to play, he saw it would be possible to establish a Diamond trick. But he had transportation problems: He had 1 entry to dummy to play the ♦K , but no other entry to cash the ♦Q.

Given that he managed to survive the surreal events in the morning, he made up his mind and decided not to lose hope and battle it to the end: He won the lead with the ♠A and pulled 6 rounds of Hearts. Then he played ♣AK and a Club to the ♣Q. He was hoping West will have only diamonds left. But West won the ♦K with the ♦A (Bill discarded a spade) and played another Club. Bill had to ruff and concede the last Spade to East.

The Village champion was amused: "Trouble reaching dummy? Imagine that you are stuck and you want dummy to get you out of trouble. So what do you do? You use me as a rope! In other words use me to help you enter dummy: After pulling trumps, play ♣A and then a low club to the ♣J. Now play the ♦K and discard the ♣K from hand! I'll get the trick with the ♦A but now whether I play club or diamond – I will get you to dummy and you can discard your 2 spade losers on those Q's".

A nerve wrecking day for poor Bill who was used to a slow, quiet life.